Model by: Melpomene Katakalos
An Astroturf floor supports brick walls covered in vines and other architectural flotsam. At center, a truss leans like a ladder against a large picture frame. A plastic figure, painted blue, sits on top. At left sits a plastic figure, dress painted red, and shoes painted black. At center stands an unpainted, plastic figure, all white. At right stands another unpainted, plastic figure, all white, visible from the waist up behind a pile of junk.
Am I (Is He) Wearing Pants?
by Stephen Spoonamore
Dramatis Personi
UpSky Man
RedDress Woman
Middle White Guy
Other White Guy aka PPM (Possibly Pantless Man)
Scene 1 - A brightly lit lawn in which remnants of scenery from prior MainStage productions of Talley's Foley and West Side Story have been repurposed for a "B-Space" play rehearsal - a modern stage retelling of Oscar Wilde's novella - The Picture of Dorian Gray
(Confusing Cross Talk about Color Theory between the Four Figures)
PPM: (Yelling) I don't know the Fucking Pantone numbers! It's a red, . . . a sort of really Red, Red.
Middle White Guy: (Clearly taken aback by his tone) Dude ...
(with)
UpSky: The way you were describing, before, it sounded more like a Blue Red.
Middle Guy: Yes, it did.
(with)
RedDress: I couldn't tell.
(A Pause.)
Middle White Guy: Pretty much...
PPM: Well, F . . . It's a red . . . red red . . .
UpSky: Heh, no worries, cool. I don't want it to be clashy clashy
RedDress: It's probably my dress color...
PPM: It may be. I don't know. It never dries the same color anyway. Sorry - Okay - Again - here is what we have, a whole stack of cans. All used. I don't know if there is any GOOD paint in any of them. Five in the Greyiege family. Two browns. A sort of Hunter-ish Green the Red Red and at least Three whites . . . I can't see the bottom cans . . .
Middle Guy: Already white.
PPM: Reporting what I can see.
(with)
RedDress: Yes. You are.
Middle White Guy: I am don't want a whole "camo-dude" vibe but if it's a Hunter-Green that could work as a shirt color, then maybe can one of the Browns' of Greyiegesis read as a "khaki"
PPM: Sure.
Middle White Guy: Sure, like yes, or sure like . . . "meh, sure."
UpSky: There really isn't a decent tie choice.
Middle Guy: (Interrupting) Can we just focus on those of us who are, literally, colorless? Literally just out here. Bare, fresh, naked whiteness?
UpSky: Sure sure - I get it.
RedDress: (Laughing) Fresh?
Middle Guy: Wrong word . . .
(with)
RedDress: No, please, of course - a Fresh new level of White Guy needs-it-now
Middle Guy: You are the only fully painted one here . . .
PPM: Okay. Cool. Stop. Your pick. I don't care.
RedDress: (Still Laughing) You should. It's not even clear if you're wearing pants.
(A Pause)
PPM: Really?
RedDress: Really.
(with)
UpSky: Why is she fully painted and my tie is skipped? I got shoes though . . .
RedDress: Yes. Shoes.
(with)
Middle Guy: Hunter Green. Whatever is closest to Khaki.
(Silence.)
PPM: I can't even bend my head down to see.
Middle Guy: See What?
PPM: If I'm wearing pants.
Middle Guy: Ah.
PPM: I have, literally no articulted joints.
Middle Guy: Ah.
(A pause.)
Middle Guy: I don't either.
(They all nod in agreement.)
(Scene.)
Audio Recording
UpSky Man: Aman Adwin
Red Dress Woman: Vida Manalang
Middle White Guy: Evan Sykes
Other White Guy a.k.a. PPM (Possibly Pantless Man): Joey Teti
Directed by Bill Fennelly
Stephen Spoonamore
Spoonamore’s plays have been performed in several US cities. He wrote more than 15 produced plays between 1985-1999. He was a 1996 Sundance Playwright Fellow, won several minor awards and received small productions in the US. His plays had many talented actors, including Michael C. Hall, K. Scott Coopwood, Paul Sparks, Kathy Fabian, Tom Kane, Laura Kopec, Laura Stitt and Daisy Eagan. He stopped writing in 1999 to focus on business interests.
Melpomene Katakalos
Melpomene Katakalos has been a freelance scenic designer for over 20 years, designing over 100 productions on a variety of stages including La Jolla Playhouse, SF Mime Troupe, CalShakes, Cornerstone, and the Arden. In NYC, she has designed off-Broadway at the Clurman, at HERE Arts Center, La Mama, and 45th Street Theatre. International: Beijing and Singapore International Fringes. She was the director of the New Play Design Lab at the Playwrights Foundation, was a co-founder of SF-based Crowded Fire, and her work was featured at the 2019 Prague Quadrennial. Nominations and awards: two San Diego Playbill Awards, two Bay Area Critics Circle nominations, two Barrymore nominations, and Best Set Designer in The East Bay Express. She is a professor at Lehigh University. BFA Ithaca College, MFA UCSD. http://melpomenekatakalos.com/
